James Read online

  Acknowledgements

  Thank you to my family, I love you all.

  T, T and J - Words can’t express how much I love all of you. There is nothing I wouldn’t do for each of you.

  Rocky - Thank you for supporting my dream, and encouraging me. And listening to me talk non-stop about my book characters. Love you.

  Tenielle - You are always there for me when I need you. And I will always need you. Love you infinity.

  Sasha - Love you always baby sis.

  Arijana Karcic - I don’t think I could possibly thank you enough. You are so kind hearted, giving, helpful, amazing, talented. And hilarious. I can’t forget that one. THANK YOU from the bottom of my heart for everything you do for me, you really go above and beyond and I will be forever grateful. I think everyone needs an Arijana in their lives and I’m so happy to have you in mine.

  *Cue the small violin*

  Kara Brown - Thank you so much for all of the time and effort you put into helping me! I truly appreciate you and everything you do for me. You have been such a great friend and I’m so glad to have met you.

  Stephanie Knowles - Thank you for everything! Encouraging me, supporting me, offering your opinion. I really appreciate it. You are simply amazing. And the surprise box of treats you sent me was one of the most thoughtful things anyone has ever done for me.

  Aileen Day - Thank you for all the support, and for loving James as your number one book boyfriend, lol.

  Sara Browning - I love you <3

  Tsk Tsk What to Read - A huge thanks to Shelley Bunnell and Kathryn Vanessa Spell Grimes for everything they do for me. Cover reveals, blog tours, anything. These lovely ladies are amazing, and you should definitely check out their blog!

  Thank you to all the blogs that have supported me! There are so many of them, but here are a few that have gone above and beyond:

  Three Chicks and Their Books, Mommy’s Late Night Book Up, One More Chapter, Nerd Girl, Forever Me Romance, Jenee’s Book Blog, Love between the sheets.

  To my beta readers - a huge thank you for your help <3

  visit dpg roup.org for more books uploaded by our generous members

  Prologue

  The past

  James

  I step out of my car, and scan the area surrounding the house. The front door opens, and Danielle walks to the front steps, wearing a house robe. Her gaze darts back and forth cautiously as she approaches. Her blonde hair is loose and messy, her makeup smudged around her eyes. I quickly make my way towards her, not wanting her to be seen.

  You should be inside, Danielle, I chastise, but it's not harsh. I'd never raise my voice at this woman.

  “I know, James. I just wanted to thank you. I finally did it… We finally did it,” she whispers as she kisses me softly on the cheek. "I wrap an arm around her."

  Come on, let’s get inside, I encourage. We walk inside together, and I lock the door.

  I’m making some coffee, she says, heading into the kitchen.

  I’m about to follow her when someone knocks on the door. I open it and come face to face with the last person I expect to see right now.

  “James, what are you doing here?” Sasha asks, bemused. I think for the first time in my life I’m speechless.

  “James, who is it?” Danielle calls out in a worried voice.

  “It’s no one,” I call back to her, then cringe when I realise what I said.

  “No one?” Sasha repeats, the pain in her voice evident.

  “I didn’t mean it like that, Sasha,” I say, instantly wanting to erase the hurt from her eyes.

  “James, why are you here? Who is this woman?” she demands, her voice gaining steel.

  “I can’t do this right now, okay. You need to go home,” I tell her, trying to convey with my eyes how important it is that she follows my instructions. I clench my fists, wanting nothing more than to take Sasha in my arms right now, but I don’t. I can’t. I have a responsibility. Sasha will understand, I'll explain everything to her when I’m able to do it. It’s just not a possibility right now. When tears cloud her eyes, I swallow hard. One thing I can’t take is women’s tears, which is probably what brought me to where I am today.

  “Go,” I mouth to her, hiding as much emotion as I can.

  “James, what's going on?” Danielle asks, her voice unsure.

  “Sasha, you need to leave,” I demand harshly.

  “Oh, I’ll go alright. Goodbye, James,” Sasha says with finality, turning around and running to her car.

  She doesn’t look back.

  ***

  Chapter One

  The present

  James

  I love Layla. I really do, but right now I want to strangle her. She is flittering around my kitchen, cooking up a storm. Now, that is a good thing. In fact, she comes here just to spoil me with my favorite baked goods. The issue lies with the music she’s blaring out of her iPod. The play list title should be ‘depressed’ or maybe ‘heart-broken’. 'Miserable' would work, too.

  Layla, you know I love you, but seriously? I tell her when I can’t take it anymore.

  “There's a price for everything, James,” Layla muses with a cheeky smile.

  “And?” I ask her when she says no more.

  “And, the price for me coming over and slaving in the kitchen for you is that I get to choose the music,” she adds cheerfully. I narrow my eyes at her, and for a second contemplate if it's even worth it. Then I smell something delicious as she opens the oven, and I realise it sure as hell is.

  This song is the worst so far, because it makes me think of her. It makes my stomach clench, my heart beat faster. I walk over to Layla’s dreaded hot pink iPod and glance at the song title. ‘What If’ by Babyface.

  Fucking hell, it’s like my own personal thoughts about Sasha put into a soppy love song. The lyrics keep getting worse as the song goes on. When the lines about not being able to move on are sung I get up and walk out of the room. What if?

  What if, indeed.

  What if I still had Sasha?

  What if I were still happy?

  What if I didn’t fucking miss her every day?

  What if I didn’t let my job push away the woman I love?

  I curse and pick up my phone, dialing the number. “Tatiana, I’m coming over.”

  ***

  I knock on Tatiana’s door, and wait for her to open it. I met her about a year ago at work. She's a stunner. Chin length blonde hair, expressive blue eyes, and a figure that’s lithe and strong, yet curvy in all the right places. Over the last two months, we’ve been working together and gotten pretty close. One night after work we went out for drinks and ended up in bed. She’s been hinting at wanting for us to get serious, committed, but I don’t think I’m ready for that, and I know why.

  Sasha. Layla is always bringing her up, talking about her, so it makes it even harder to move on. About a month after Nikki’s wedding, Sasha took off around the globe somewhere. Scotland, I think. I once had a lot of missed calls from an international number, which must have been her. I was working, so I was unreachable at that time. Layla and Nikki both told me Sasha was trying to get in touch with me, but I didn’t call her back. The reason for this was simple. I was trying to get over her. Layla once let it slip that she saw a picture of Sasha with someone called Jye, and that Jye was ‘so gorgeous.’ I hope I never have to meet this Jye character. I want Sasha happy, but I don’t think I could ever bare to actually see her with another man.

  The door opens and Tatiana smiles when she sees me. She's wearing a pair of jeans and a plain cotton white shirt. She looks adorable. Tatiana is a nice girl, she fits into my life. Right?

  So, why can’t I get over Sasha?

  ***

  Sasha

  Jye is now sixteen months ol
d, and he’s brought so much joy into my life. This wasn’t the turn I expected my life to take, but I wouldn’t change a thing about it.

  “Mama!” he calls out as he slips down the slide. I clap at him, cheering him on as he plays at the playground. Jye Crawford has my dark hair, but his father’s pale blue eyes. Jye is the result of a drunken night James and I spent together after Nikki and Kade’s wedding.

  After ignoring each other for the sober part of the wedding, or staring at each other in disdain, what happened after the reception turned into a whole other story. The entire night was a disaster, but I'd never change it. I love and adore Jye way too much, and I'm so thankful to have him. After our night together, I stormed out of the hotel room, and I haven’t seen James since.

  James doesn’t exactly know about Jye. When I was four months pregnant and found out the sex of the baby, I tried to call James to tell him he was going to have a son. I called, but James didn’t answer his phone. I kept trying to get ahold of him for two weeks. Once, a woman picked up and said James was ‘busy’.

  I bet he was busy. I guess he just didn’t want to hear from me. I left messages with both Layla and Nikki telling them to have James contact me, but he never did. After that, I stopped trying. I still question my decision every day; did I make the right choice? It’s not Jye’s fault James cheated on me. Jye deserves to know who his father is. I know I’m being selfish by keeping him from James.

  Would James want Jye in his life, though? If he didn’t, I don’t think I could handle it. Screwing me over is one thing, but if James didn’t want Jye I'd be heartbroken. He'd mentioned that he liked and wanted children back when we were together, but the circumstances are extremely different now.

  He’s different now.

  After I slept with James, I took off on a holiday just a few weeks later. I was in Scotland visiting family when I found out I was pregnant, so I decided to stay for the duration of my pregnancy and to give birth here. To say my family back home wasn't thrilled is definitely an understatement.

  Trey Crawford is my cousin and an awesome guy. I’d only met him a few times growing up, but he's been so supportive. He lives alone and owns a pub right down the road from his house. He’s refused to take any money from me, so I try to buy food and contribute to the household in any way that I can. Luckily, I have a decent sized savings account, so I didn’t have to worry about working during my pregnancy, but when Jye was about six months old I started working some shifts at Trey’s pub.

  Trey watches Jye when I’m at work, and we’ve both made it work for us. If both of us have to work, Trey’s mother watches Jye. We get along really well. She’s a very kind and gentle woman, I can tell how Trey became such a wonderful man.

  It’s been two years now, and I think it’s time for me to go home. Jye is happy and healthy, and it saddens me he hasn’t met his grandparents or any of his other family. I’m trying to get Trey to come for a visit, too, but he's still undecided. With his own business to run, it’s not always easy for him to get away.

  Jye runs up to me and hugs my leg. Anyone who takes a look at him will know instantly that he’s James’ son. Besides his dark hair, he's the spitting image of his father. I can’t hide out here forever.

  It’s time for Jye and me to go home.

  ***

  “You don’t have to go, Sash!” Trey tells me for what must be the hundredth time since I told him about my plans. I feel bad leaving Trey, I know he’s grown extremely fond of Jye, and now I’m taking him away.

  “Oh, come on, Trey, now you can get back to your bachelor lifestyle,” I attempt a joke, but Trey just scowls at me, so I walk over and muss his black hair. “I’ll come back to visit, I promise, and you could always come visit us in Australia?”

  Trey glances over at a sleeping Jye and sighs. “I’m gonna miss the little terror.”

  “Hey! What about me?”

  Trey smirks. “At least I won’t have to kick out all the men at the bar trying to put their grubby hands on you anymore.”

  I roll my eyes, and puff out a long suffering sigh. “I’m gonna miss you, Trey,” I whisper.

  “I know, Sash, I know,” he says as he rubs the stubble on his chin. His hazel eyes are still on Jye, almost as if he’s memorizing him.

  “I hope his father knows how much he’s missed out on,” Trey mutters to himself. I swallow hard. Trey thinks that Jye’s father wasn’t interested in having a child. Layla and the rest of my family think I got pregnant by someone in Scotland. The whole thing is one huge cluster fuck.

  I definitely have some explaining to do.

  ***

  Layla is picking us up from the airport. I tried to get out of it. I told her my dad could come; I told her that Tee could, but no, Layla was determined to come and pick us up, so she is. I notice her the second I walk past the gate, standing by herself with a huge smile on her face. I relax when I don’t see Chase with her. Layla runs over to us and gives me a warm, welcoming hug.

  “I’m so happy you’re home!” she says, her voice muffled in my hair.

  “Thanks for coming to get us,” I tell her.

  “Oh, you know it’s no problem. And you must be Jye,” she says as she crouches down on her knees so she’s at his level.

  “Layla, there’s something…” I try to say before I’m cut off.

  “Aren’t you handsome, Jye! You are just…” I gulp when she trails off. She looks up at me, and back down at Jye. “Oh, dear,” she says.

  “Layla…” I start.

  “Sasha! Why didn’t you tell me?” she demands in a hushed voice.

  “Tell you what?” I ask her, playing stupid. I want to see if we’re talking about the same thing here.

  I grimace when she pinches me. “He is the spitting image of James! Add a lip ring and blond hair and they would be twins!” she hisses, outraged. I can’t help but giggle at that mental picture.

  “What's so funny?!” she asks as she picks Jye up into her arms and cuddles him.

  “Nothing,” I mumble.

  “I guess I’m his Aunty squared then.”

  “Layla. I can explain,” I assure her.

  “Please do. I want to know why you didn’t tell me, or anyone? Why didn’t you tell James? He's gonna be pissed. Definitely going to complicate things with his girlfriend,” Layla says that last bit to herself.

  I gulp. I obviously learnt the hard way that James has women in his life, but hearing the term girlfriend in conjunction with him still hurts. Layla must see my expression because she rubs my back, comforting me.

  “I shouldn’t be here, Layla. If James has a girlfriend, I don’t want to interrupt their lives. I’m taking Jye and going somewhere else,” I tell her, my mind made up. I turn around, about to walk to the ticket counter when I come face first with a wall. Okay, maybe not a wall. I cringe when I look up at Chase.

  “Like hell you are,” Chase says, and if I were a lesser woman, I might have cowered at the iciness in his tone.

  Layla gives me an apologetic look as Chase eyes me, then turns to Jye. Jye looks up and stares Chase down, taking a step closer to me and wrapping his arms around my leg. Chase chuckles.

  “Definitely my nephew,” he says when Jye sticks his tongue out at him.

  I sigh. “I can explain.”

  “Come on, let’s get in the car, and then you can explain. You aren’t going anywhere, my brother deserves to know he has a son,” he says, his voice gaining steel.

  I open my mouth, and then close it, knowing that arguing is futile. Chase asks me which bags are ours and collects them for us, then carries them and puts them in his car boot. I put Jye in Cole’s car seat. After he's safely buckled in, I take a seat next to him and do my own seat belt. Ten minutes into the drive, Chase starts, “Why would you do something like this, Sasha?” he asks in a confused tone.

  “I found out I was pregnant while I was overseas. Yes, I may have held a grudge but eventually I tried to call James to tell him but he didn’t answer. I left me
ssages with Layla and Nikki, but he obviously couldn’t be bothered to call me back!” I say defensively. Chase glances over at Layla, who nods, confirming my story.

  “I told James Sasha's been trying to reach him and that she sounded nervous,” Layla says.

  “You could have tried harder,” Chase says, looking at me in his review mirror.

  “Get off your high horse, Chase!” I say, not appreciating his judgement.

  Chase sighs, and gentles the tone of his voice. “He’s our family, too.”

  “I know,” I whisper.

  “Have you been managing okay? You know if you ever need anything, money…”

  “I’m fine, Chase,” I interrupt. He nods once, and then stares out at the road. It’s silent for a few minutes until he continues, “Layla said you’re looking for a place to rent. You know I own another apartment in our building. Nikki stayed there for a bit, until she and Kade got back together, now they have their own place. You can stay there as long as you need.”

  “It’s empty?” I ask him. As kind as his offer is, I don’t want to kick anyone out. I can’t help thinking that must mean James is staying in that big house by himself now.

  “It’s been empty since Nikki left. We can move you in tomorrow,” he tells me.

  “Okay, if it’s not a problem that would be great. I left all my belongings at my parents before I left for Scotland,” I tell them.

  “We can go and get everything tomorrow, I’ll hire a small moving van,” Chase offers.

  “Okay, and Chase,” I say, fiddling with the hem of my shirt.

  “Yeah?”

  “Thanks.”

  “No problem, what's family for, right? Besides, there isn’t anything I wouldn’t do for my nephew,” he says, affection lacing his voice. I will my eyes not to tear up. Who knew under all that bossiness was a kind-hearted man? Certainly not me.

  Chase drops us off at my parents' and says he’ll come over in the morning to help move my belongings. I hug him and Layla, thanking them both. They both kiss Jye, before the two of us head to my parents' front door. Before I can even knock, the door flies open and my mother runs out and wraps her arms around Jye.